


Albion's Need

by puzzlingnerd57



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dark, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, It ends okay, M/M, Merlin misses the heck out of Arthur, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide Attempt, but don't worry, emotional breakdown, emphasis on the hurt, really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 03:47:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14276256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puzzlingnerd57/pseuds/puzzlingnerd57
Summary: When Albion's need is greatest, the Once and Future King will return. Merlin knows this. But without Albion, Arthur can't return. Right?





	Albion's Need

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on one of the saddest Merlin memes I have ever seen, because it brings up a point that is so sappy, but so heartbreaking at the same time.   
> TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!! DO NOT IGNORE!!!! This fic contains attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, maleXmale relationship, and depression. If you are disturbed or triggered by any of these topics, please stop reading here.

_“When Albion’s need is greatest, the Once and Future King will return.”_

Merlin scoffed quietly as the thought drifted through his head. He had been waiting 1500 years, but there had never once been a sign of Arthur’s return. Not as Camelot fell, not as countless wars ravaged the lands, not as kings and queens rose, fell and ruined the land he once had called home.

_“When Albion’s need is greatest…”_

Albion didn’t even exist anymore. It had fallen after Arthur’s death at the hands of Mordred. There was nothing left to even hint that it had ever existed.

‘Nothing but me’ Merlin thought morosely. Because it was true. He was the last reminder of Albion’s existence, but what good would that do him? He was alone.

_“…the Once and Future King will return.”_

Albion didn’t exist. Arthur would never return. Without an Albion to have need, he would never come back. 

The wind whipped around him, tugging at his clothes. He had once again found sanctuary on a rooftop, overlooking the gray city below. The cold bit at every inch of exposed skin, bitter and harsh against his soft flesh. The light jacket he wore did nothing to protect against the numbing cold. 

Numb. That was how he felt. Absolutely numb. What was there to feel anymore? Everything he had known and loved was gone. Friends, family, home. Everything was lost to time. Time, and his own stupidity.

He had let his magic be taken, he had left Arthur on his own, he had been too slow getting to him, travelling to the lake. If only he hadn’t trusted Morgana, if only he hadn’t been caught, if only he had gotten to the Crystal Caves sooner, if only… if only… if only he had had more time. If only he had told Arthur about his magic. Maybe then, Arthur would have thought twice about confronting Morgana, no. It wasn’t Arthur’s fault. It was his.

Merlin swayed in place from where he stood on the ledge, looking down at the lights, the dullness of the city. Would he still go to Avalon if he died? Would he meet Arthur again if he left? Would it be a happy reunion, Arthur greeting him as a friend? Or would Arthur be mad at him, disbelief and anger at his confession of magic lingering in whatever lies beyond. 

Empty eyes stared down at the pavement. Would dying hurt? Would it be like getting stabbed? Whipped? Would he feel anything at all? He leaned slightly, balancing on his toes. It would only take a second. A little bit further, and he could see his mother, Gaius, Lancelot. Just a little further, and…

A faint echoing voice drifted through his head. He smiled a humorless smile. It sounded like Arthur. Maybe he knew what he was about to do. Maybe was watching, waiting. Maybe he’s going to yell once he arrives. Maybe Arthur had met his father, and his mother, and Merlin’s mother, and Balinor, though the prince didn’t know. Maybe the knights who died in his name were feasting with Arthur at the head table.

The voice sounded again, a little louder this time. His name. 

“Merlin!” It was Arthur. He was waiting. A little shift forward and he could go see him again. 

“Merlin!” Arthur’s voice cried out behind him, snapping his gaze from the streets below. Merlin spun around to see where it was coming from, but his foot slipped, sliding off the ledge. As he cried out and flailed, one thought drifted through his head.

_‘I’m sorry Arthur, but I don’t want to die.’_

As he gave in to the gravity pulling him down, his drop was halted by a pair of arms grabbing his arm and pulling him back onto the roof. The momentum yanked him forward faster than he expected, and he couldn’t stay upright, landing heavily on whoever it was that stopped him. 

He stayed where he was, breathing heavily as unshed tears clogged his throat and stung his eyes. Who would care enough to save him? Why? What was the point? He didn’t want to die, but what was there left for him?

The same arms that tugged him away from death stayed wrapped around him, as the torso connected to them heaved with deep breaths. A heart pounded a fast, but steady, rhythm under his head. Warmth. It was so warm. His breath hitched. When was the last time he felt warm?

A hand gently carded through his hair, black curls tangled by the harsh winds, while the other shifted him to the side slightly, the body underneath him shifting to sit up. Merlin closed his eyes, not sure if he wanted to see his savior or not. 

“Really Meeeerrrlin. I knew you weren’t the brightest, but I never imagined this.” No, it couldn’t be. Taking a shuddering breath, Merlin cracked open his eyes, knowing even before he could see that his vision was blurred. Through the film of water, he could make out golden blonde hair illuminated by the dim lighting and sky blue eyes watching him with concern. A gentle smile, so familiar, spread across the face as Merlin’s eyes were revealed.

“Arthur.” He choked out, unable to believe it. The tears he had been holding back for centuries began streaming down his face as he lunged upwards to cling to the king. Strong arms clutched him just as close, a stark contrast to the last time they had been in a similar position.

Merlin cried and cried, years of pain, sheer agonizing pain, stealing his breath, leaving him gasping even as tears continued to fall. All the while, a litany of meaningless comforts and unplanned phrases flowed from the King’s lips. Nearly wordless messages dripped faster than Merlin’s tears as he cried out every emotion he had felt since losing Arthur. 

Time slowed, and nearly an eternity later, the tears and sobs finally slowed. Despite the end of the emotional breakdown, neither man made a move to separate themselves, simply basking in each other’s presence. Merlin refused to let go, scared of shattering the moment, of finding out it was all an illusion created by his sorrowful mind. 

“It’s alright Merlin. I’m here now.” Arthur murmured in his ear, as though he had read the dark haired man’s thoughts. Merlin took another shuddering breath.

“How?” He whispered, voice hoarse and clogged with tears.

“Does it matter?” Arthur asked teasingly in return. Merlin trembled slightly, but stayed silent.

“Merlin? It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.” The king whispered decisively, holding his former manservant close. Merlin let out a huff before sinking into Arthur’s arms, letting their warmth seep into him.

“Not anymore.” He repeated quietly, beginning to droop from exhaustion. As the haze of sleep began to engulf him, Merlin was vaguely aware of Arthur picking him up and carrying him down the stairs to his apartment. He felt himself be laid down on a soft surface and a warm body settling behind him before he nodded off completely.

When he woke up in the morning, Arthur still pressed behind him, all Merlin could do was smile and snuggle closer to the king. Arthur was alive. Merlin wasn’t doomed to be alone.

_“When Albion’s need is greatest, the Once and Future King will return.”_

And so he has returned.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, wow, hi deep dark parts of my brain. Yeah this happened. Honestly, this was inspired by an image that came up when I searched Merlin memes. It was about how with Merlin being the only remaining part of Albion, Arthur won't return until Merlin needs him the most. This is where my brain went with the unintentional prompt.   
> This took me so long to write. It's less than 1500 words, but took me more than a month to do. Scratch that, I started this in January, so almost three months. I can write all the angsty fics in the world, but stuff like this, the really deep, depressing stuff, I struggle with.  
> I personally have never struggled with depression or suicidal thoughts, nor have I really known anyone who has, or at the very least has opened up about them. Even though I never have dealt with that, I know how important it is to advocate against suicide. So, let me get on a soapbox for a moment.  
> If you ever feel like this, or believe you are depressed, or are suicidal, you don't have to face it alone. Friends, family, classmates, teachers, all of them will be willing to help. And maybe it's not a quick fix. Maybe it takes years to overcome. That's okay. What's important is knowing that you're not alone. People will help you, be it coaxing you down on a really bad day or just being a listening ear. It's okay to be afraid or upset about those feelings. What's important is that you are willing to try and move forward. These days, it seems like that's all we can do, but we still push on. Don't be afraid to admit that you're struggling. Odds are, you aren't the only one.


End file.
